I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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