If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
