Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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