How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
