Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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