Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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