hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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