god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
