ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
