Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize