your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
