Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize