from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
