Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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