I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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