If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
