she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
