there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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