i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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