didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
