it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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