Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just forgot I was standing up.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
