she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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