like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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