so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
