I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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