I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
