and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
