i just had sex bonerless
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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