Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
