He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
