If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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