I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
