Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
