I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
