And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize