He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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