does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
