My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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