You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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