You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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