im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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