You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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