Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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