look no pants
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
