Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
