i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
