The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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