its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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