You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
