I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
