i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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