I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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