Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize