he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
