Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
