atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
