Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
