I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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