You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
