i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
