I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
