I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
