tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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