Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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