Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
