so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
