I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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