What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
