these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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