My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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