I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
