so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You can't special order awesome
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
