i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
