We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
