Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
