ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
