Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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