I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
