My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
