They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize