You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
