My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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