I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
