I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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