Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
