My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
