I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize