yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
