Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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