walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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