dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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