i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
