first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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