I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
