what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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