i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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