guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
