He asked to "fluff my boner.."
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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