Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
