sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize