Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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