Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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