i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
