it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize