so that wasnt chicken after all
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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